Oldfartofen Funny Prescription Pill Box - BanterBiotics

Promotional graphic for a 50g pack of jelly beans, showing loose multicolored jelly beans scattered on a bright blue background with text callouts and a small sealed bag of beans in the lower right corner.

Oldfartofen Funny Prescription Pill Box

4.6 / 5

In Stock,order today to receive bySeptember 25

Next Day Delivery Available, order before 4pm

Free Delivery, when you spend £10 or more

Single Box— — POPULAR 2 Boxes— — 4 Boxes— — BEST VALUE 6 Boxes— —

Discount applies across the range — mix and match any designs in your basket.

Description

When an ordinary birthday card just isn't funny enough, prescribe some Oldfartofen.

Banterbiotics presents Oldfartofen — a spot-on parody of a pharmacy pill box, complete with deadpan "For Oral Use, Fast Acting" labelling and a warning that it targets grumpiness and excessive groaning. Open it up, though, and the only thing inside is 50g of genuinely tasty assorted fruit jelly beans.

It's a gag gift that works on two levels: the visual joke when they first spot the box, and the actual sweets once they realise they've been had. No batteries, no assembly required — just a laugh, followed by something sweet to eat straight afterwards.

Who it's for

The grandad who's always "a bit stiff in the mornings"
The mum who swears she needs this "just to cope with everyone"
Retirement parties, milestone birthdays from 50th to 90th, Father's Day, or any over-the-hill celebration
Anyone who'd rather have a dry, deadpan joke than a glittery card

What's in the box

One Banterbiotics Oldfartofen joke pill box containing 50g of assorted fruit-flavoured jelly beans, sealed inside and ready to gift — no flat-pack assembly, and no sweets to add yourself. A novelty confectionery gift for adults, containing no medication or active ingredients of any kind.

Full ingredient, allergen and nutritional information is in the Ingredients, Allergens & Nutrition section on this page.

Part of the Banterbiotics range — pairs naturally with AntiOldGitamol, and more prescriptions are available.

What's Included

One Banterbiotics box: made up and ready to gift. Not flat-packed, no requiring assembly, no needing to find the Pritt Stick at half eleven the night before.

50g of British-made jelly beans: sealed inside in a heat-sealed pillow bag. Roughly enough for one guilty sitting or three sensible ones.

Full pharmaceutical-grade nonsense: printed on every side — the condition, the symptoms, the remedy, and dosage instructions no qualified professional would sign off on.

Ingredients, Allergens & Nutrition

Allergen Advice:

Packed in a factory that handles milk, soya, cereals containing gluten, peanuts and other nuts, eggs, sesame and sulphites.

Jelly Bean Ingredients:

Sugar, Glucose Syrup, Corn Starch, Water, Acids (E330, E296, E297), Flavourings, Fruit, Vegetable and Plant Concentrates (Carrot, Blackcurrant, Spirulina, Safflower), Rice Starch, Acidity Regulator (E350ii), Colours (E100, E150a, E153), Glazing Agents (E901, E903, E904), Coconut Oil.

Net weight: 50g

Nutritional Information:

Typical values per 100g:

Energy — 1538 kJ / 362 kcal
Fat — 0.1 g
of which saturates — 0 g
Carbohydrates — 90.2 g
of which sugars — 71.6 g
Fibre — 0 g
Protein — 0 g
Salt — 0.1 g

Each 50g pack contains 181 kcal.

Storage:

Store in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight. Consume by the best-before date shown on the packaging.

Shipping Details

Free UK delivery on orders over £10.

Standard Tracked — £2.99, arrives in 2–3 working days.

Next Day Tracked — £4.99, order before 4pm.

Everything is fully tracked, and we dispatch six days a week, Monday to Saturday.

Posted in plain outer packaging, so nobody clocks what's inside before the person it's meant for does.

Sending it straight to the patient? Just change the delivery address at checkout. UK delivery only for now.

For more details view our shipping policy.

What to Expect

1
Ready to Gift
Arrives made up and filled. No flat-pack card to assemble, no sweets to buy separately, just a box you can hand straight over.
2
Convincingly Real
Right down to the dosage instructions, the barcode and a space for the patient's name. It reads as genuine until they get to the bit that isn't.
3
50g of Jelly Beans
A sealed pillow pack of misshapen fruit jelly beans inside. The joke lands first, the sweets disappear shortly after.

The Patient Reviews Are In

Verified side effects include laughter, mild offence and an immediate urge to buy one for someone else. The moment they read the box is the whole point — here's what that looks like.

Jenna Wood

Published 18/06/2026

Bought it for my dad. He laughed for ages and immediately showed everyone.

Peter Mills

Published 03/04/2026

Really funny little present. Packaging looks great and the joke landed perfectly.

John Esland

Published 25/3/2026

Looks surprisingly convincing. Got a huge laugh when my wife opened it, lol.

Tony Watson

Published 3/25/2026

Perfect silly birthday gift. My mate absolutely loved it and couldn’t stop laughing.